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You are here: Home / Relationships / Becoming YOU Week 3: Relationships

Becoming YOU Week 3: Relationships

16 Jun

I feel like how to have healthy relationships is the number one problem that we face today.

I’m not just talking about dating, either–I’m talking about how we, as people, relate to other people on a day to day basis. We have our nose in our phones, our lives are about “#squadgoals” and “#relationshipgoals”, and just meeting people that aren’t creeps can seem really really hard, if I’m honest.

One of the biggest conundrums that the millennial generation is dealing with is that we have all this contact with hundreds of people we may or may not have even met on a daily basis, but very few meaningful connections. We’re some of the most isolated individuals even though we have countless conversations on a daily basis. 

Your twenties are years that set the stage for the rest of your life. I don’t mean to say that to scare anyone–it’s just reality. During your twenties is most likely when you’ll meet whoever you end up marrying, it’s when you have your first real career, it’s when you solidify your identity in many areas. And who your friends are really impacts who you become in these years. 

With that in mind, it is so important to know how to have a healthy relationship, whether it be with friends or a partner. And I have three tips for you to keep in mind to make sure you’re doing just that.

Figuring out how to have a healthy relationship is so important in your twenties, since the friendships and romantic relationships you have now really can change the course of your life. Here are some tips on how to build healthy relationships in your twenties!

1. Look for people who have similar values to where you want to be in five years.

If you don’t want to be caught up in the hardcore party scene when you’re 30, don’t only hang out with kids who are into hardcore partying. If you don’t want to be binge-drinking every weekend when you’re 27, don’t spend all your time with people who binge-drink every weekend. It’s pretty simple, actually.

This goes for more subtle things, as well. If you don’t want to be a gossip, don’t hang out with gossips. If you want to be good with money, don’t hang out with people who spend a ton of money or don’t understand why you’re trying to save.

You’ve also got to look for this in relationships, as well. Do you want to get married, settle down, and have kids? Make sure you’re looking for the kinds of guys who are out for that, too. That doesn’t mean you can only date guys who want to be married and have kids right this second–but the kinds of men who want that in their future, as well, will be much more respectful and take the relationship more seriously than some guy you met at a frat party, for the most part.

Take away: Surround yourself with people who are on the same road as you are. Towards good careers, responsible choices, and a healthy lifestyle.

The key to healthy relationships: being on the same page.

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2. Get in the habit of spending quality time together

I don’t mean just going out to watch a movie every other week, or texting your boyfriend “good night” every night. I mean spending real, actual time together. Pull out board games or a deck of cards instead of turning on Netflix. Cook dinner together instead of ordering pizza all the time. Start doing things that actively bring you closer together as friends or strengthen your relationship if you’re dating/married.

If you’re wondering how to have a healthy relationship with someone you’re dating, time together is one aspect that we’re really missing a lot of the time. The relationship can seem great when you’re in the first few weeks or months and all you want to do is cuddle, watch romantic movies, and make out. But then the honeymoon phase is over and you think, “Hmm, I don’t think I have anything in common with this guy.” How do you avoid that? Spend time together. Yes, cuddling and watching movies is fun and is definitely a big part of Connor and my relationship. But it can’t be the only part. Find an activity you both enjoy, or run errands together, or volunteer for an outreach event together some time. When you’re spending time with each other when you’re forced to actually talk and experience life together, it’s a lot easier to realize “maybe we’re not so compatible” than if you’re just cuddling on the couch all day.

Relationships and friendships are more than just being in each other’s presence–focus on quality of time, not quantity of time. 

How to have a healthy relationship: focus on quality, not quantity, of time.

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3. Get out of the habit of only talking to people your age.

This is something that I have never understood about people my age. Maybe it’s because I was homeschooled so I grew up talking to adults, but why do we only ever talk to people within 2 years of our own age?

When you’re in high school or in university it can be really easy to get caught up in your little bubble of school–all your friends are in your classes, or part of clubs you’ve joined on campus. But the world is so much bigger than that! Get to know your neighbour in your apartment building, or some of the older couples at your church. Branch out and talk to some of the people you may not otherwise have talked to, because it gives you a lot of perspective.

Healthy relationships help us to grow as people and overcome obstacles we may not have been able to get past on our own. A lot of times talking to someone older can be a huge help. As well, there’s something very therapeutic and lovely about helping someone younger than you get through something you’ve had to grapple with before, whether it’s a grade 10 girl at your church who’s going through her first unrequited love, or a first-year on your campus who’s failed his first test. We’re meant to be in community, but that community isn’t only supposed to be made up of one age.

As well, getting to know people from all different ages helps your life become more full. I can’t tell you how blessed my life has been by the elderly women at my church–seeing them every week makes my heart so happy. Some of my favourite times of the month is being on the worship team at my church, too, where all of us are very different walks of life but come together to worship. If you truly want a full, rich life, don’t limit who you interact with. Instead, get to know the full range of the amazing people around you.


What are some of your tips for how to have a healthy relationship? Leave them in the comments below so we can talk about it!

Did you like this post? Make sure to catch the rest of the Becoming YOU series!

  • Part one: Introduction to the Becoming YOU Series 
  • Part two: Building Good Health Habits
  • Part three: Building Good Financial Habits 
  • Part four: (this one!) How to have Healthy Relationships
  • Part five: (coming soon!) Building Character in your Twenties

Figuring out how to have a healthy relationship is so important in your twenties, since the friendships and romantic relationships you have now really can change the course of your life. Here are some tips on how to build healthy relationships in your twenties!

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COMMENTS: 6 Comments TOPICS: Relationships

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About Rebecca



Rebecca Danielle Lindenbach is a 21-year-old psych student living in Ottawa, Canada. Knitter, wife, guitar player, classic rock enthusiast.

This blog is to document the journey of a chronic worrier trying to living a life of simplicity, keeping her focus on what really matters. Read on for a satirical take on life from one millennial to another. Read more

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rebeccalindenbach

We are all sick but having a toddler means we stil We are all sick but having a toddler means we still went for a walk 😅
Mommy and Vivian tummy time! 🥰 Mommy and Vivian tummy time! 🥰
I love babies. And I love my daughter. And I love I love babies. And I love my daughter. And I love that she’s perhaps got the worst baby-patterned baldness that I’ve ever seen 🤣
I love this little one. No asterisk. No caveat. I I love this little one. No asterisk. No caveat. I just love him. 

God uses parental imagery for Himself all the time when he talks about his love for us. 

So why do we feel the need to add asterisks to Gods love?

God loves you…. But you don’t deserve it. 
God loves you… but only because Jesus died for you.
God loves you… but you make him sad and angry.
God loves you… but, but, but. 

Yes, we get it. We are sinners. I’m not arguing against that. 

But can I ask you something? 

Why do you think Gods love needs a caveat? 

What are you afraid will happen if you simply accept his unconditional, all-encompassing love for you? 

What are you afraid will happen if you AREN’T a horrible worm God can’t stand to look at? 

What would happen if instead of being motivated by fear of Gods anger and disappointment we were spurred on to good deeds out of Gods magnificent joyful love for us? 

God loves you. No buts. 

———-
(Also shoutout to @pastor_rob_wiesner who was the first pastor I ever heard say in a sermon that God delights in us and just plain likes us without giving a caveat. It made such a profound impact on me and opened my eyes to how anxious of a faith I have had for so long.)
THIS is what I spend most of my time doing. Clea THIS is what I spend most of my time doing. 

Cleaning my kitchen. 
Breastfeeding my daughter.
Reading to my son.
Folding laundry.
Taking care of my home. 

There are some big-name authors who talk about me as if I’m some big evil mastermind, like there’s some huge conspiracy against them, like they’re somehow the victims when they’re the ones who are propped up by the largest organizations in Evangelicalism today. The ones who have made their living off the backs of women who have been bruised and beaten by their false teachings. 

I hate to break it to them, but it’s not true—I’m not anyone special. I’m just a mom who wants better for her kids. 

I’m just a mom who refuses to allow her son to grow up in a church who sees him as a lustful animal who needs women to keep him honest. 

I’m just a mom who refuses to subject her daughter to soul-destroying teachings that her body is a problem, and her role is to be second to a man. 

I’m just a mom who sees the poison you are pouring into her children’s milk, and is finally standing up. 

I think they have to see us as some big mastermind threat. Like some huge, powerful enemy. 

Because the alternative is way scarier. 

The alternative is that we are just normal women. And we aren’t taking your crap anymore.
She’s got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they t She’s got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they thought of rain. ❤️
My kids are good. Yes the baby cries. Yes she bi My kids are good. 

Yes the baby cries. Yes she bites me every now and then. 

Yes Alex spills his milk when he doesn’t pay attention. Yes he has big emotions when he gets overwhelmed. 

But these are not “badness.” These are necessary parts of learning. My kids aren’t just “good kids”—my kids are an example of goodness. 

They remind me every day that although I’m still learning, I was born with the same goodness my kids have. 

The goodness that drives them towards connection. 

The goodness of the look of joy when they learn something new. 

The goodness in satisfaction and contentment found in everyday needs being met. 

I love getting to see that goodness flourish. I don’t have to break their spirits, “beat the devil out of them,” or see them as dirty rotten sinners. 

My job is to foster that goodness. To rejoice when they run towards love, towards Christ, and not get in their way. 

“Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matt 19:14
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