My Non-Typical Relationship

Today is officially 60 days away from Connor and my wedding day!

It’s crazy to think that we were once at a time when it was 10 months away, or when we didn’t even know if we’d be getting married.

Our relationship is not, and has never been, “typical.” But I think that’s what has made it so great.

We didn’t like each other in the beginning.

Not in the whole “I thought he was annoying” way. Actually, I was attracted to him when I first saw him, but he was in a relationship so I quickly turned that off. We were friends for a whole semester before we started going out, time that I think is one of the main reasons our relationship is so stable and so strong.

Because we were honestly just friends without any expectations or emotional stuff bogging us down, we got to really know each other. I remember there were times where we’d just have “truth time,” where we could ask each other anything that we wanted and you had to answer truthfully. We got to learn some pretty intense stuff about each other two months before I would even realize that I liked him. I really had never had a friend like him before. More than just that, we are able to be so silly with each other because that’s what we were before we started going out! I’ve never been so much myself with anyone in my entire life than with him.

From what I’ve seen, most relationships start because two people were attracted to each other. Not us–I mean, both of us became extremely attracted to each other once he was single, but until then there was nothing. And because I was able to keep a respectful distance from him while he was in a relationship and make sure that I didn’t get emotionally involved, he actually trusted me 100x more when we actually did start dating, since he knew that I would be faithful–and I knew the same about him.

I didn’t wait for him to make the first move.

Because we had such a strong friendship already that had been 100% platonic, when he was single and I realized that I liked him I skipped the whole awkwardly-waiting-to-see-if-he-might-like-me stage and just started full-out hitting on him (which was not nearly as subtle as that sounded, to use what Connor says about it). I knew him well enough to know that this would work, and that it would be good.

Now, this is a tricky one. Because I do think that the guy should do the asking out. I don’t think that it’s wrong for the girl to start the conversation, though. The man is supposed to be the head of the house, and although that doesn’t mean that the woman is second, I think that the woman asking the man out takes away a bit of his masculinity.

That being said, I don’t think it’s a bad idea for the girl to say “Listen, I like you, I think you like me too, and if you want me you’re going to have to do something about it.” And that’s pretty much what I was saying with my behaviour. But the point is, I didn’t leave him in the dark. He knew that I was at least interested, especially since my behaviour was such a stark contrast to when we were just friends only weeks earlier.

When we started dating, he wasn’t stronger than me spiritually.

Connor had only been a Christian for about 10 months when we started going out. No, he wasn’t a spiritual leader for me yet in every way. I’d say we were more equals. I don’t want to make it sound like I was more spiritual than him–that’s not it. It’s just that I had more knowledge and more experience at that time. However, I respected his faith and saw the journey he was on, and I knew that it was leading to something wonderful–which he’s proven. From day 1, he was able to keep me accountable and we had great conversations, but it was a few months before he truly began to lead me, and honestly he’s shown me so many times how strong he is in his faith.

What I’m trying to say here, though, is that you don’t need someone who knows more than you do. You don’t need someone you can trail behind completely wide-eyed, in awe of his wonderful spiritual strength. You need someone who will keep you accountable, who won’t let you get away with crap, and who will challenge you to grow rather than let you stagnate in your walk.

I grew up in the church–I started competitively memorizing the Bible when I was 12. Connor is never going to know more scripture than I do, but what he has that I really don’t is a fresh perspective. The truth is, I struggle with seeing past the words on the page, but Connor really doesn’t. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to power an issue through on my own only to have Connor take me aside me to sit down and pray about it. So although at the beginning I feel that we were more on the same level, he’s definitely the leader now.

Girls, though, are told that we need a man to lead us. And although yes, I think that is best, I think that too often girls go for the guy who they think is perfect–but why do we put that kind of pressure on men? Why don’t we look at the journey the person is on? I know lots of guys with “great” faiths but who aren’t producing any fruit. It’s not about how much you know–it’s about what you do with what you know! The knowledge will follow if your heart is in the right place.

Anyway that’s just a few of my musings today, 60 days from our wedding. What about you? If you’re in a relationship or are married, did your relationship unfold more traditionally? Or was it really out of left field, but somehow worked anyway?

I love hearing your stories. So tell them!

Photo credits go to Emma Sangalli Photography