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You are here: Home / Relationships / Is marriage what it’s all about?

Is marriage what it’s all about?

25 May
So I read quite a few other teen bloggers. (If you guys know of any good ones please let me know!)

Anyway, a very common trend I see going around is writing letters to your future husband. Some girls post them on their blogs (or, at least parts of them) and to be honest, they’re really sweet.Basically they write them and save them until they get married, upon which they will present these letters to their husbands saying “Look, I was thinking about you all along.” It’s an adorable idea. :)

But I see so much of this infatuation girls have with weddings everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I want to get married as much as any girl. It’s going to be really fun finding that guy and getting to know him better than starting a life with him.

But I really think that Christian girls can become way too obsessed.

Do we, as Christians, sometimes have the wrong motivations for why we abstain from flirting, sex, or dressing immodestly? Are we so focused on marriage as our motivation that we forget that our main goal is to honour Christ? Read what Rebecca Gregoire says about it on lifeasadare.com

Wedding Cake ca. 2003

In the the church, every single girl is told that God has a guy out there for her. I personally do not think that belief is Biblical. (now hear me out…) In 1st Corinthians 7 Paul points out multiple times that women can be called to be single! He actually says that if a woman remains single she is able to be 100% devoted to God instead of being torn between God and her husband. As Christian teen girls, we’re told to be excited to get married, which I completely agree with. I think marriage is wonderful, and I really hope to get married some day (honestly, which girl doesn’t?) But the problem happens when we aren’t prepared if God calls us to be single.

I disagree strongly how much girls are taught in the church to think about marriage and weddings and all of that. Purity is important. Modesty is important. Both are not stressed enough, I believe. But when they are stressed we are told that it is because we want to save ourselves for our husbands. Although I agree with this statement, there is so much more to it than that. But we, as Christian girls, are taught to put everything in terms of marriage and our husbands.

We don’t flirt because we don’t want to give any of ourselves away to another guy other than our husband

We don’t wear immodest clothing because we’re saving ourselves for our husband

We stay pure so we can give everything to our husband

I have heard so many modesty/purity talks that I really can’t count them. And I have never heard one that didn’t focus on our future husbands.

The reason I try not to wear immodest clothes is that it distracts brothers in Christ and is a selfish thing to do. The reason I’m gonna stay pure is that God says so, and really I don’t think we need any other reason than that. (Of course, saving yourself for your husband is extremely important, but we shouldn’t only follow God because there’s something in it for us at the end)

The real reason this all bothers me is that our focus is not on God anymore–it’s about what God can give us.

We need to start following God simply because he is God. Not for any other reason.

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I firmly believe that God has a guy out there for a lot of girls. I hope he has one for me. And guys, I’m sure he has a great girl out there for you, too.

But the point is this: if he didn’t, would you still give your life to him? Or do we focus more on what God can give us rather than God himself?

Guys, I’m sorry this was really a post directed towards the girl readers. But what do you follow God for? Is it because he has something to offer? Or because he is God?

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COMMENTS: 51 Comments TOPICS: Relationships

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About Rebecca



Rebecca Danielle Lindenbach is a 21-year-old psych student living in Ottawa, Canada. Knitter, wife, guitar player, classic rock enthusiast.

This blog is to document the journey of a chronic worrier trying to living a life of simplicity, keeping her focus on what really matters. Read on for a satirical take on life from one millennial to another. Read more

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rebeccalindenbach

First harvest from the garden!! My bok choy is doi First harvest from the garden!! My bok choy is doing amazing!
We are all sick but having a toddler means we stil We are all sick but having a toddler means we still went for a walk 😅
Mommy and Vivian tummy time! 🥰 Mommy and Vivian tummy time! 🥰
I love babies. And I love my daughter. And I love I love babies. And I love my daughter. And I love that she’s perhaps got the worst baby-patterned baldness that I’ve ever seen 🤣
I love this little one. No asterisk. No caveat. I I love this little one. No asterisk. No caveat. I just love him. 

God uses parental imagery for Himself all the time when he talks about his love for us. 

So why do we feel the need to add asterisks to Gods love?

God loves you…. But you don’t deserve it. 
God loves you… but only because Jesus died for you.
God loves you… but you make him sad and angry.
God loves you… but, but, but. 

Yes, we get it. We are sinners. I’m not arguing against that. 

But can I ask you something? 

Why do you think Gods love needs a caveat? 

What are you afraid will happen if you simply accept his unconditional, all-encompassing love for you? 

What are you afraid will happen if you AREN’T a horrible worm God can’t stand to look at? 

What would happen if instead of being motivated by fear of Gods anger and disappointment we were spurred on to good deeds out of Gods magnificent joyful love for us? 

God loves you. No buts. 

———-
(Also shoutout to @pastor_rob_wiesner who was the first pastor I ever heard say in a sermon that God delights in us and just plain likes us without giving a caveat. It made such a profound impact on me and opened my eyes to how anxious of a faith I have had for so long.)
There’s a word for that… it starts with “p”… 😳 #deconstruction #everymansbattle #exvangelical
THIS is what I spend most of my time doing. Clea THIS is what I spend most of my time doing. 

Cleaning my kitchen. 
Breastfeeding my daughter.
Reading to my son.
Folding laundry.
Taking care of my home. 

There are some big-name authors who talk about me as if I’m some big evil mastermind, like there’s some huge conspiracy against them, like they’re somehow the victims when they’re the ones who are propped up by the largest organizations in Evangelicalism today. The ones who have made their living off the backs of women who have been bruised and beaten by their false teachings. 

I hate to break it to them, but it’s not true—I’m not anyone special. I’m just a mom who wants better for her kids. 

I’m just a mom who refuses to allow her son to grow up in a church who sees him as a lustful animal who needs women to keep him honest. 

I’m just a mom who refuses to subject her daughter to soul-destroying teachings that her body is a problem, and her role is to be second to a man. 

I’m just a mom who sees the poison you are pouring into her children’s milk, and is finally standing up. 

I think they have to see us as some big mastermind threat. Like some huge, powerful enemy. 

Because the alternative is way scarier. 

The alternative is that we are just normal women. And we aren’t taking your crap anymore.
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