I’m getting married in 8 days! And I’m freaking out a little bit.
The best way I can explain the nerves is that it’s like moving out for the first time. You’re excited, you’re ready, you’ve been looking forward to this for years, but you’re still nervous because it’s a big transition. I’m not nervous at all, just very aware of how big of a decision it is.
Here’s the thing: I’m only 20 years old. Connor is only 21. And yes, I know, we’re crazy young. But I wouldn’t change anything about the way our relationship has turned out, and where we are now, only 8 days away from being husband and wife.
I originally planned to be married at 23 and have my first kid at 26. That was my life plan, but now I’m 3 years ahead of schedule, and there are wonderful but also some frustrating things that come with marrying young. So this is what I’ve been thinking about as the wedding comes closer.
8 Best and Worst Things about Marrying Young
1. Best: I didn’t have to play the dating game for long.
Connor is my first boyfriend. First and only. Of course, I had weird “we-like-each-other-but-neither-wants-to-actually-say-anything” things, like most people do in high school, but I had never even kissed a boy until I started dating Connor.
1. Worst: I have to answer all of the “how do you know you’re ready?” questions.
Of course, only dating one guy comes with all of the questions. Yes, I know I’m ready, and no, I didn’t have to sleep with a bunch of guys or date my entire high school to know it. Instead, I spent my years in Jr. High, High School, and the beginning of university getting to know people as friends and getting to know myself as an individual, not through my relationships with other people. I know Connor is right for me because I know myself, not because I’ve tried it out with a ton of other guys.
2. Best: We get to act as each other’s support system in school.
I’m a very anxious person. School is a big part of that, but being married, I have a best friend to help reassure me and who I can take care of, so taking my mind off of my own stresses and worries. We can keep each other healthy during exam season, making sure we actually eat food, and someone to quiz flashcards with.
2. Worst: We are going to have to go through the “finding your first real job” stress.
Of course, since we’re students together, we’re also going to have to go through the whole “just-graduated-not-sure-what’s-next” stress together, too. When people meet at 25 that hurdle is generally close to being over, whereas we haven’t even started it yet. That being said, both of us are hard workers, and I know that we’re going to be fine. It just might be a rough couple of years until then.
3. Best: I’ll be a young mom, and Connor will be a young dad
I’m so grateful for this one. I love kids, and I EVENTUALLY want to have a few, and I’m happy that I’ll be able to run around playing soccer with Connor and them, and that Connor will be young enough to still wrestle and goof off with them.
3. Worst: I have to worry about getting pregnant for 5 years.
I think this one is self-explanatory.
4. Best: We get to mould our adult lives around each other
When you get married in your late twenties or thirties there are a lot of things that are easier, but I think that moving in with someone when you had already been living on your own for almost 10 years would be so much harder than for only 2. Connor and I are young, we aren’t very set in our ways (“very” being an extremely relative term), so adjusting to a new life will be a lot easier since we’re marrying young.
4. Worst: We’ll probably make a lot of mistakes since we have very little experience.
This is the downside with not having much experience living on our own. We had quite the time trying to set up our internet, but we sorted it out! If we had more experience, that would definitely have been easier though.
5. Best: We save money by only having one rent/set of bills to pay.
The rent for the apartment we will be living in is less than the two of our rents were combined last year, and we were in rooms in houses, not one-bedrooms! So we’re saving money with that, and it’s great!
5. Worst: We have no money to save.
We have a good budget and honestly, Connor’s better at sticking to it than I am! Although neither of us are spenders, we’re living on a student budget, which is pretty stringent at times, so saving doesn’t mean that we have more money to spend, it just means that we are postponing debt for a little bit longer.
6. Best: Putting two homes together is a lot easier since we have very few things
We aren’t trying to combine two full-sized houses, but rather just two rooms from two houses! Much easier.
6. Worst: The few things we do have have sentimental value so it’s hard to get rid of excess
I’m trying to simplify my life, including cutting down on items, but I’m having such a hard time! It’s just that much harder since I tend not to bring things into my life unless I really like it or it has some meaning. But I’m working on it!
7. Best: Young married couples are rare, so they band together to form a community of their own.
Honestly it’s hard to find other married couples under 25, so Connor and I have made an effort to get to know the couples who go to our church, and it’s been a blast! I’m looking forward so much to being able to really get to know our married friends :)
7. Worst: I’m not really sure where I fit into student community-life anymore.
I was involved with Inter-varsity Christian Fellowship these last two years, but honestly after Connor and I got engaged I felt less and less like I fit in there. Once we get married, I’m not sure where we’ll fit in there, but I think that’s just something we’re going to have to figure out as we go along.
8. Best: I get to not only grow old, but to also grow up with the love of my life.
Hopefully Connor and I will grow up to be 95 years old together. If so, that means that we will have lived only 20 years without each other, and 75 years with. That is amazing.
8. Worst: I can’t think of any “worst” for this one–I’m just happy about it. :)
So there you have it! My top 8 best and worst things about getting married young.
To my married readers, what are the unexpected blessings or struggles that you found? I really want to hear your stories!