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You are here: Home / Faith / Freefall

Freefall

25 Apr

I’ve always loved writing down everything. I’ve kept a diary since I was 10, which was one that had “PRIVATE: KEEP OUT OR BE SORRY” on the front. (Because heaven forbid anyone ever found out the secrets of the life of a 10-year-old.)

I typed out all my journals out a while back, so that I could search for a date and be able to figure out what I did on that day. It’s really cool, actually, and it worked really well.

But whenever I want to reminisce I never pull up the file that I made, I always pull out the real journals. Even though I spent all summer typing up these journals, the physical journals mean a lot more to me.

Why? Because I can remember where that coffee stain happened. I can remember the fuzzy chicken pen I used to use for my entries in the sixth grade. My memories are triggered by touching something that brings me back to when I first saw it.

I think that’s why we have a hard time with God sometimes. We can’t feel it when he surrounds us, we can’t smell him, we can’t hear him audibly, we can’t even see what he looks like. If it wasn’t for our emotions, I wouldn’t be able to ever feel God.

But I think that’s the beauty of Christianity.

We believe in something we can’t see, can’t hear, can’t smell, can’t feel. But still we give our life to him. It’s like standing blindfolded on top of a table, when you’re told that there are friends waiting at the bottom, and jumping off and hoping they’re there to catch you. Christianity is that three seconds from when you jump to when they catch you. That freefall when you aren’t quite sure whether they’re going to catch you or not—but you still trust them. You still love them. You still have faith that they’re there for you. But you can’t hear them. You can’t see them or feel that they’re there.

Some people think Christianity is that time when you’re caught, and there’s that rush of relief and happiness—but I don’t think it is. I think that’s what heaven is. The transition, our life on this earth, is when you can’t prove 100% whether you’re right or not by some empirical or scientific method, but you have faith nonetheless. When we’ve finished this life, we’ll land into the arms of God with the knowledge that everything was worth it. The scariness was worth it. The uncertainty, the doubt, the fear, the ridicule, the pain, the choice to go the hard way—it was all worth it. Because now you’re in the arms of your savior, and there’s nowhere else better.

There’s a time to feel God, to see God, to hear him audibly—but it might not be now on this earth. This earth is the place where you have faith in the unseen, the unfelt, the unheard. Where you believe in God not because he’s proven himself to you, but because you just know that he is God. If it feels like you’re in a freefall right now, like God isn’t there to catch you, like you’re all on your own—you aren’t. God’s waiting to catch you, but it’s not time yet. But when you do land in the hands that hold the world, you’ll know it was worth it.

Becca

 

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About Rebecca



Rebecca Danielle Lindenbach is a 21-year-old psych student living in Ottawa, Canada. Knitter, wife, guitar player, classic rock enthusiast.

This blog is to document the journey of a chronic worrier trying to living a life of simplicity, keeping her focus on what really matters. Read on for a satirical take on life from one millennial to another. Read more

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  • About Me
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rebeccalindenbach

We are all sick but having a toddler means we stil We are all sick but having a toddler means we still went for a walk 😅
Mommy and Vivian tummy time! 🥰 Mommy and Vivian tummy time! 🥰
I love babies. And I love my daughter. And I love I love babies. And I love my daughter. And I love that she’s perhaps got the worst baby-patterned baldness that I’ve ever seen 🤣
I love this little one. No asterisk. No caveat. I I love this little one. No asterisk. No caveat. I just love him. 

God uses parental imagery for Himself all the time when he talks about his love for us. 

So why do we feel the need to add asterisks to Gods love?

God loves you…. But you don’t deserve it. 
God loves you… but only because Jesus died for you.
God loves you… but you make him sad and angry.
God loves you… but, but, but. 

Yes, we get it. We are sinners. I’m not arguing against that. 

But can I ask you something? 

Why do you think Gods love needs a caveat? 

What are you afraid will happen if you simply accept his unconditional, all-encompassing love for you? 

What are you afraid will happen if you AREN’T a horrible worm God can’t stand to look at? 

What would happen if instead of being motivated by fear of Gods anger and disappointment we were spurred on to good deeds out of Gods magnificent joyful love for us? 

God loves you. No buts. 

———-
(Also shoutout to @pastor_rob_wiesner who was the first pastor I ever heard say in a sermon that God delights in us and just plain likes us without giving a caveat. It made such a profound impact on me and opened my eyes to how anxious of a faith I have had for so long.)
THIS is what I spend most of my time doing. Clea THIS is what I spend most of my time doing. 

Cleaning my kitchen. 
Breastfeeding my daughter.
Reading to my son.
Folding laundry.
Taking care of my home. 

There are some big-name authors who talk about me as if I’m some big evil mastermind, like there’s some huge conspiracy against them, like they’re somehow the victims when they’re the ones who are propped up by the largest organizations in Evangelicalism today. The ones who have made their living off the backs of women who have been bruised and beaten by their false teachings. 

I hate to break it to them, but it’s not true—I’m not anyone special. I’m just a mom who wants better for her kids. 

I’m just a mom who refuses to allow her son to grow up in a church who sees him as a lustful animal who needs women to keep him honest. 

I’m just a mom who refuses to subject her daughter to soul-destroying teachings that her body is a problem, and her role is to be second to a man. 

I’m just a mom who sees the poison you are pouring into her children’s milk, and is finally standing up. 

I think they have to see us as some big mastermind threat. Like some huge, powerful enemy. 

Because the alternative is way scarier. 

The alternative is that we are just normal women. And we aren’t taking your crap anymore.
She’s got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they t She’s got eyes of the bluest skies, as if they thought of rain. ❤️
My kids are good. Yes the baby cries. Yes she bi My kids are good. 

Yes the baby cries. Yes she bites me every now and then. 

Yes Alex spills his milk when he doesn’t pay attention. Yes he has big emotions when he gets overwhelmed. 

But these are not “badness.” These are necessary parts of learning. My kids aren’t just “good kids”—my kids are an example of goodness. 

They remind me every day that although I’m still learning, I was born with the same goodness my kids have. 

The goodness that drives them towards connection. 

The goodness of the look of joy when they learn something new. 

The goodness in satisfaction and contentment found in everyday needs being met. 

I love getting to see that goodness flourish. I don’t have to break their spirits, “beat the devil out of them,” or see them as dirty rotten sinners. 

My job is to foster that goodness. To rejoice when they run towards love, towards Christ, and not get in their way. 

“Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matt 19:14
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